Komedy Koven

Saturday, November 16, 2002
 
HOWARD'S COLUMN
Special Music Review Edition

I, Howard, of television's "Howard & Chauncey Show," am well-known for being a hip, now kind of fellow, but even I get daunted strolling into the local album distributor outlet. I've noticed a trend toward smaller, shiny LPs in recent years. They cram so many of those little suckers into such a tiny space, they're packed in like Mexicans! Am I right? Okay, let's do this...

I like that Avril Lavigne, even though she dresses like a man. She's got beautiful, shiny, straight hair and a look in her eye that says "I've been a bad girl." What? Her songs? Sure, I guess they're okay, but I just want to pull her over my lap and spank her!

Christina Aguilera, however, is a bad role model for our children, and I think all of her records should be banned. Just kidding! I'd like to give her a good rogering, as well.

Meanwhile, I see Elvis Presley has a new one out, and it's selling strong! The Boss is back!

I listened to the new Sleater-Kinney album at the behest of my daugher, and all I can say is: PMS anyone? Nooooooo thank you! NEXT!

I'm gonna go out on a limb, here, and suggest that Justin Timberlake's penny-loafers have lost a few pounds, if you get my drift. If it looks like Michael Jackson and moves like Michael Jackson, then it probably smells like Michael Jackson, and that young man smells like a fairy, if you ask me.

I've been having a hard time telling Britney Spears and Shakira apart, lately, but I wouldn't mind taking 'em both on at once (if I could just get my wife out of the house, for a change). Hoo-boy, you should see the rumps on those young ladies. My goodness.

Have you heard that new Xzibit joint with Nate Dogg? That shit is tight, y'all. I'm not frontin'. Did I say that right? Okay, my bookie is on the phone and I need a refresher for the ol' umbler-tay, if you get my meaning. Tune in next week for my word on the latest thing: "the discotheque." Don't get left in the dust, folks. Stay sharp!






we take off our pants... so you don't have to.