Komedy Koven

Friday, September 05, 2003

Dear Strawberry,

Jesus, I need a drink. I just got out of a staff meeting in which I was forced to pretend to laugh my ass off at my boss’ jokes, which were relentless and horrible. I also had to listen to him knock one of my ideas (for which, on assignment from my other boss, I had already phone-interviewed someone and written a lengthy treatment) about a thousand times. I ask you, who’s got the attitude problem?

Springfield, Mass.



Alcohol will never solve your problems.  There are plenty worse things in this world than bad jokes, let me tell you, like having your face shoved in a prison toilet while a group of inmates takes turns on you, for instance.  That's a raw deal.  So when your boss doesn't like an idea, why you just go right out there and get another idea!  Show 'em what you can do with a little elbow grease and a determined mind.  I know you can do it, Chip, just like I did.  There's no reason to abuse drugs or alcohol when you've got a steady job and a positive mental attitude.  Heck, even if you don't have a steady job, or any friends, or a home, or even pets, or the simple ability to wake up every morning and face the day, God will see you through.  Take it from me, Strawberry Jackson, and the nice folks at State Farm Insurance.  Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.  Take care, little girl.

--William "Strawberry" Jackson

Wednesday, August 13, 2003


Check out the awesome commercials. Ahhh...faggots.

Saturday, July 19, 2003

Naked Juggernaut Assaults Children, Lawyers, Police, Sense of Place

A naked man broke into a West St. Paul day-care center with children inside and then barricaded himself in a law office across the street Friday morning. He was captured after more than an hour, but three officers received minor injuries during the incident. James Curtis Dawkins, 44, was charged with fourth-degree assault, criminal damage to property and two counts of burglary.

"I believe he … scared the kids. Here's a big naked man, screaming and yelling," said West St. Paul Deputy Police Chief Manila Shaver.

After Dawkins ran out of the day-care center, he got in the front seat of the officer's squad car, and the officer wrestled him out of the car. He and another officer were able to restrain Dawkins, but he "seemed very strong and impervious to pain," the complaint said.

Jeanine McMillen was outside, holding her 4-year-old grandson, Tristyn.
"I saw a bad guy," Tristyn said.

"But he's gone now," McMillen told him.

Tristyn has gone to day care there for about three years.

"It's really scary that it happened in West St. Paul," McMillen said. "It's not supposed to happen here. … It seems like an isolated incident, though."

Where is this kind of thing supposed to happen? Let's all hope she's right, that it was an isolated incident. I would hate to remember this as the summer when crazed, naked men ran amok in this fair land of ours.

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

I know we're not supposed to laugh at murder, crazy people, or grocery baggers, but that's what the Koven is all about: laughing at what you shouldn't.

IRVINE, California (AP) -- Police shot and killed a sword-wielding man described by relatives as schizophrenic after he slashed and killed two former co-workers and wounded three other people at a supermarket where he used to bag groceries.

Friday, July 11, 2003

Monday, June 09, 2003

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

we take off our pants... so you don't have to.