Komedy Koven

Saturday, April 20, 2002
 
Maybe everyone has heard about these but I just found out:

  • Twin Cities cinema's 'odd couple,' U Film and Oak Street, plan to merge (StarTribune)
  • Burger King Debuts BK Veggie Burger As Alternative to Meat (ABC News)

    (porky monkey)


  •  
    KNOW YOUR EMPLOYEE!!!

    This questionnaire was scientifically formulated to best
    determine the potential psychosis-factor in any prospective hires for your
    company.



     
    ?In the "Beam of Zarg", (5.12) God The Creator-Destroyer, we are, as Christ
    has said, "Shattered as I was shattered of My Father." Every particle in
    the universe melts before the photon inflow. After FUSION we can
    appreciate the first faint "Ho! Ho! Ho!" of God The Joker as we exit from
    the "Love Laboratory." For innermost lacework of the Silver Matrix tempo
    is the home-tone of a very special group of Cosmic Warriors whose mandate
    is simply, Lord have your way with me: "If I am to be a fool, let me be a
    fool for The Master."


    this is just one tasty excerpt of
    some greater manifesto of twisted
    genius
    . as far as I can tell this is meant to be real and not part of a
    role-playing game.


     
    Boy, I'm halfway through "Return of the King" right now and I'm really excited. I just left off where Pippin gets crushed under a bleeding troll! Dude! I hope he makes it! Hey, check out this treatment for a new film we're making about my life:

    All must bow before the mighty Toad! Truly a venerable warrior of great might who came riding upon a brown steed from out of the southwest, the Lightbringer Toad possesses the great wisdom of the Elders of Hargolath and the unbroken spear known to all in the land as Demerol. And so it came to pass that in this age of great turmoil He did ride into victory.


    Friday, April 19, 2002
     
    Jonathan needs to be more pithy.


     
    Wow, those are cool sites Crystal. I love the toy pianos! Are you getting on a Greyhound bus to see GBV boy in Winnipeg now?

    The Emo Diaries
    Meanwhile, in my acting class we're supposed to track our emotions and moods throughout the day. Normally you have to supress that because you're at work or whatever, but it's amazing how many emotions you go through in a single day. We're supposed to keep an "emo diary" (although it has nothing to do with The Promise Ring).

    What a coinkydink - now there's Moodstats. It's a neat little piece of software that lets you track your daily moods and make notes and stuff. Basically an electronic Emo Diary. On a scale from 1 to 10, here's my day:

    • Mood - 7 I think this is supposed to be your overall mood. I'm having a great day except for being broke.
    • Creativity - 4 I feel more lazy and/or social than creative today.
    • Stress - 5 see: being broke
    • Horniness - 3 This one tends to fluctuate a lot. For example, it might be really high then suddenly "deflate."
    • Tiredness - 7 So sleepy without my energy drink. (See: being broke)
    • Obessing - 6 I am obsessing over emo diaries, this mood software, and this blog.


    Designers and coders take note! The makers of Moodstats relaunched their site Kaliber 10000 and it's jam-packed with new features. (from zeldman.com.

    Dickass.


     
    More obsessive Lego craziness!

    This Lego Church is a massive, awe-inspiring (if slightly nutso) project, dedicated to the builder's cat. In the same vein as the Lego LOTR and Lego Bible (My favorite here is The Seduction of Lot. Seriously. Check it out. [note: may be unsafe for work]).


     
    I am jalouse of this band ! They make their music using toy pianos and other toy instruments.

    Via Metafilter


    Thursday, April 18, 2002
     
    >>Jonathan's Entertainment News (evening edition)<<

    Exciting news about Michael Jackson's "Invincible!"...
    ...the Notorious B.I.G. continues to bang from the grave with some familiar guest vocals: "A lime to a lemon my DC women bringing ten G minimums to condos with elevators in 'em/ Vehicles with televisions in 'em/ Watch they entourage turn yours to just mirages." Biggie, who also rhymed on Jackson's 1995 HIStory LP, originally used those lyrics on Shaquille O'Neal's 1996 cut "You Still Can't Stop the Reign."

    You heard it here first, folks! Bad* rhymes recycled posthumously from a basketball player's record. Way to go, King of Pop!

    *that's bad meaning "bad" not bad meaning "good."


     
    Jonathan's funny library stories of the past, Vol. 1:

    My co-worker is going through the teen suggestion box and handing me CD
    requests. She also pulled out the following:

    "Porno for dummy"

    and

    "masterbating for mens and boys"


     
    Can I re-share my fantasy? Really? Thanks. Here 'tis:

    I was just imagining, if only we could harness our memories for video clips- I'd put together a series of images over the song "Thank You" by Dido: of me passed out in the back seat of my own car, eating microwaved pot brownie mush off a paper plate with chuck and alisa, breakdancing in front of the trio singing Dixie Chicks at the Goal Line, montage of spilling drinks, riding my bike face-first into a tree as a child, dressed as an angry, drunk tree on Halloween, incoherently addressing my high school class, getting my helmet caught in the side of a cliff, wearing a dress for Mardi Gras, crying montage, and eating a cat treat. Good times.


     
    COOL SHIT

    Okay, we're really posting a lot on our first day of blogging, but then that's the point, isn't it? Here are the cool links of the day.


    LHPO - that stands for Large Hot Pipe Organ - the world's only MIDI controlled, propane powered explosion organ. The LHPO's pyro-acoustic explodo-rhythmations will throbbatize your earholes and dance-ify your booty.


    I used to be into ninja crap when I was little. How my eyes lit up when I went to Tiajuana and saw all the ninja throwing stars! If only I'd known how to dress like a ninja.


    Lastly, get ready for comedy cuz i've got Heat Vision & Jack on the way baby!


     
    Where am I? Oh. Do you have any automotive repair magazines? No? Then what good are ye? Eh, ye should all be out playin' stickball- or better yet, earnin' a decent wage! Now then, gather 'round children, and listen to the first of many tales I will spin like bloody entrails on a giant's fork. This one comes from a dear old friend of mine, they called him..."The Ghana Rondo"...

    "As we know from my continued residence in the Moorish palace of the
    Ala-hambra, the roots of my people are two-fold. First is the hot blood of
    the brave iberian bull slayers of the high middle ages, whose decadent
    decline into the modern day servitude of the more industrial northern
    barbarians is one of the truly poignant stories of our time. A veritable
    recapitulation of the great migration of the sons of the prince of Egypt.
    The second channel of my racial greatness springs also from the sur de
    espana, from those proud and lusty children of the one true prophet
    muhammed, whose life was the very completion of man's long searching for our
    creating father, of which search the christian and hebrew faiths are but
    mere shadows. These, my people, spread and continue to spread across the
    earth's surface bringing with them the light and hope which can bring the
    highest form of civilization to even the mad dog americans whose bodies
    will on the day of our glory choke all of the pacific ocean. The alphabets of
    both of these blessed peoples are as natural to me as the first crap on a
    spring morning."

    Doesn't that get yer bowels a'churnin'? Mine sure are!


     
    Blogz Rule!

    I'm so glad I'm now a 1337 blogger.

    Ass.


     
    Well, here is my first blog message. Hello world. We aren't kool unless we have one of these, so let's be kool okay? Great! Well let's start with some rules:

    1. Nobody can use the letter "k" instead of "c" except for me. Kool? Kool.
    2. We, the Komedy Koven, will always post funny messages. Who cares about being truthful? Being funny is more important. If we don't have anything funny to say, we can always add a funny word like "fart" or "poop" to the end of out message. Fart. See? It works. Fuckass.
    3. It's okay to share opinions on things, like politics or issues that seem important. But it's better to be "ironic."
    4. *Always* check with your Dungeon Master before adventuring solo with your character. If all of a sudden Sithargon is a level 30 fighter/cleric, it won't be fair to the other players. Settle your personal vendettas in gym class, not in our the fantasy milieu.
    5. No psionics are allowed. I just don't get psionics at all. Fuck psionics.

    Well, that's all for today. Happy Blogging from the Komedy Koven!





    we take off our pants... so you don't have to.