At the end of every year I like to hand out "props," and this year will be no different. So let's get these props a'rollin'!
First off, props go out to Jack Nicholson for making the very brave choice to portray a tired old man in "About Schmidt." Taking his "methodical acting" to a new level, Mr. Nicholson underwent days of painful surgery to make himself look 26 years older for this role. Amazing!
Props to television executives
for putting more sultry vixens on-screen than ever before. Cheryl Ladd
is lookin' good! I mean "red hot!" I wish my daughter would bring home a few like her!
Next, I would like to thank Sean "P. Poofy Dizzle Daddle" Combs, inventor of the remix, for bridging the gap between young and old. I'm talking about his sample of Herb Alpert's "Rise" on the tight Notorious BIG joynt "Hypnotize." I equally enjoy tapping my loafers to the groovy funk sounds of Alpert's original and the pumped-up phat beatz of Biggie's new hit remake. Stay strong, Big Poppa! My kids love ya'!
In the arena of world politics, nobody deserves props like Henry Kissinger
for stepping in to clear up this whole Iran-Contra mess. When he erases all trace of doubt as to the guilt of Anita Hill and clarifies the role of America in the EEU, the Honorable Mister Kissinger will be doing justice for all the families of those tragic victims. Our hostages will be free by this time next year, so say it with me, now: "No new taxes! No new taxes!"
And mad props go out to Winston cigarettes, with the full, rich tobacco flavor that only Winston can give you. Smoke a few with your next snifter of brandy. Mmm-mmm!
Looks like it's going to be a great year. Chuancey and I are already taking auditions for young, leggy bunnies to appear in "The Howard & Chauncey Show Easter Eggstravaganza!" Should be a hit with the kids. Really. We're gonna keep it clean this year (*wink*wink*). See you there!
KOVEN BEVERAGE NEWS
What's the new taste sensation that's sweeping the nation? CHILI BEER!
Yep, that's a serrano chili pepper lurking at the bottom of a bottle of piss-yellow beer. It burns, mommy, it burns!