Komedy Koven

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

Tuesday, April 29, 2003

While discussing his role in the upcoming film The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (aka "LXG," based on Alan Moore's comic book series), Sean Connery had this to say to Entertainment Weekly:
"My first repsonse to the script was that it was a bit far-out, but that never stopped me before. It didn't stop me from doing Zardoz."

I'm so glad he remembers doing that film! It's just too bad they didn't get him on the commentary track, so he could describe how it felt to wear the wedding dress.

According to LXG producer Don Murphy, Connery also said:
"I got offered The Lord of the Rings, and I turned it down because I didn't understand it. I was offered The Matrix--twice--and I turned it down because I didn't understand it. I don't understand this movie, but I'll be damned if I'm going to turn it down."

Does that mean he understood Zardoz? Could he explain it to the rest of us, please? And maybe he could explain Highlander II: The Quickening, while he's at it.

Kinda makes you wonder what roles he was offered in LOTR (Gandalf, apparently) and The Matrix (the Oracle?).

Sunday, April 27, 2003

The Original CheckMate 5 Minute Infidelity Test Kit
After sexual intercourse all women experience what is referred to as "Flowback." This "Flowback" causes a woman to have dried and or invisible traces of semen in her undergarments long after every sexual encounter. Typically, a woman will continue to secrete small amounts of semen for up to 72 hours after intercourse. Even after showering! If you think she is, "cheating" this is the easiest and fastest way to find out, "what's really going on" in your relationship. 

Read true stories of semen detection.
Thank you so much. I ordered your kit and I found semen! My husband claims he mastu( you know what) but I feel justified with this to take our 4 kids and divorce him. This is great that you have this product.....now I can make his life hell. Be aware my husband is a prominent business man and claimed when he found out where I got the kit he was going to sue you guys to the ends of the earth ( he will), but now I get a larger portion of his estate. I know I will land up in court... 

Signs of infidelity.
...she discovers a large stain with a stiff starchy feeling, in his white cotton briefs...

Wake up America... Your kids could be having sex right now. Do you care?

The original booklet with the camouflage cover.

Internet monitoring and surveillance.

Counter surveillance.
Because video surveillance is becoming more common, you need to be able to detect that type of privacy invasion.

GPS vehicle tracking.
Discover if your teenager went where he said he was going.

Fingerprinting the homeless.

A map of surveillance cameras in Times Square.

Partisan baggage screeners?

Introduction to biometrics.

"Biometrics' Inadequacies and Threats, and the Need for Regulation" by Roger Clarke
Biometric technologies have strengths and weaknesses, and their effectiveness is greatly dependent on the environment in which they are applied. Marketers are guilty of a vast amount of over-selling of their products, and buyers need to be very sceptical about the claims that are being made. Biometric technologies are also extraordinarily threatening to the freedoms of individuals, variously as employees, customers, citizens, welfare recipients, and persons-in-the-street. Yet the design of schemes that are substantially invasive of the privacy of the person, and of behavioural privacy, as well as of data privacy, is being undertaken by organisations in blithe ignorance of the concerns of the people they are intended to be inflicted upon.

we take off our pants... so you don't have to.